did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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