I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
