when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
