I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
