Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
