when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
