Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
