Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
operation harelip BJ is a go
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
