This is not my ceiling
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
