You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
