you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i barfeds in our rink
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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