My first STD was from a foam party
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
nutella sex= disaster
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Dick very happy bro
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
