We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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