So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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