Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Moan for me like Helen Keller
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
