i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
