haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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