if you like me you must not know who I am
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
