he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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