having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
