And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
