I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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