dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
