and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
i think i just lost a toe
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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