Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
