just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
