she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
