4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I will die if light touches me.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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