I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
