I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
