If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
