Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
