i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
My balls are so social today.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
