I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
