Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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