your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
