i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
