Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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