I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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