i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
