In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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