i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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