I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
