You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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