Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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