my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
