all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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