you mean i was at the winter classic?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
