I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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