i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
