so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
