TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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