I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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