Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
i out mim tonsoeep
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
