There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
