Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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