i barfeds in our rink
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
